


Don’t hesitate toward the shining light

by jeolmeoniji



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Cute, Fluff, M/M, This is really self indulgent, happy birthday to mx and to me lmao, hoseok is cute when he blushes, hyungwon is stressed and hates finals, i think that summarizes this ff well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 13:55:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14672478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeolmeoniji/pseuds/jeolmeoniji
Summary: A lot of people on the campus knows who Shin Hoseok is, because he's gorgeous. Like, really gorgeous. Like,I'd go to my 8am class if it means I can look at your gorgeous face in the lecture hallkind of gorgeous.But, why the fuck would Hoseok be banging at Hyungwon's door at past three in the morning on a finals week?





	Don’t hesitate toward the shining light

**Author's Note:**

> hi!!! i'm alive!!! (finals are almost over for me yey!)
> 
> this is a pretty self-indulgent drabble, that i really wanted to write for celebrating mx's 3 years anniversary (on the 14th), and also because it's my 20th birthday and i wanted to gift something too in return of all the love i got,,, i wrote this really quickly so it may lack but i believe it's still pretty cute and refreshing?? i'll let you judge!
> 
> enjoy!

Hyungwon has got a long day. A really long, tough, annoying day – or should he say week?

 

Finals weeks through his college years always seem to be the same, and yet he's never learnt from his past mistakes. That's it, Hyungwon is just really bad at having a survival instinct, and when finals are around the corner, he bitterly remembers all those delightful naps he took instead of studying diligently, and he suddenly has two hundred pages to review in a week-end and almost as many papers to submit – well, maybe not so many, but hey, a college student always overreacts, right?

 

He's the one to blame, he's aware of it, alright. He believes he majors in procrastinating instead of English literature. He's always been so bad at managing his time for his studies, it's ridiculous he's managed to arrive where he is right now without any lecturer stopping him in the hallway and telling him “Okay, Hyungwon, you may be handsome, but your non-existing diligence in studying obliges me to tell you clearly that you will never make it through life with this mindset”. Wow. Depressing.

 

Yet, Hyungwon can't help himself, and he always reviews (read: discovers for the first time) the content of his many classes the day before the final exams. The stress and anxiety adding to it isn't creating an healthy lifestyle at all, and it's a wonder he's still alive after so many times living those stressfull kind of days.

 

“ _I fucking told you,”_ Kihyun groans while doing Hyungwon's laundry when the latter is dying over an analyze of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein.

 

“ _You never listen to me, that's all your god damn own fault,”_ Kihyun blames him while cooking Hyungwon's favourite dish, while Hyungwon is trying not to shed tears over his 18 th century English history notes.

 

“ _You'll never gonna learn anything and I'm done helping you, stay away in your own pity,”_ Kihyun spits while putting Hyungwon to bed after giving him a cup of camomile tea with honey because that's what calm Hyungwon down.

 

The answer to _why is he still alive_ is, obviously, Yoo Kihyun. His best friend is the one checking on him during finals to make sure he's not dying. Despite his many mean comments, that are true in a way (except the _I'm never gonna help you ever again_ , because Yoo Kihyun is like his mom and a mom loves his child no matter what and is always present), Hyungwon is glad his best friend is here to remind him that he's a human before being a student who needs to consume a ridiculous big amount of facts to try to improve his critical thinking. (Hyungwon still laughs at the joke he finds on his peach milk brick, so he doesn't really think he's made for college and essays. But he still goes to classes because it's fun to learn new things but he's just a lazy turtle when he needs to submit work.)

 

Kihyun helps him not to go (too) crazy, but tonight he can't check on him because he also has finals to study for (and at that Hyungwon feels guilty because wow, his best friend has to bear his whiny ass while he slays in every aspect of his life without complaining).

 

So Hyungwon is alone in his studio. He's back from a day where he had to take three exams – because Hyungwon has taken additionnal classes for the, the _fun_ , of it? (The classes looked interesting. One truly is, an other the lecturer is boring as hell, and the last is just so fucking hard that all the fun has disappeared, so, Hyungwon regrets a bit having applied for them.)

 

His notes for tomorrow's exam are on his desk. It would be lying to say he already knows most of the stuff, but he lives in denial anyway. The ten minutes break he's allowed himself to check his phone has become more than half an hour, and then he's hungry so he spends another twenty minutes cooking instant noodles – fancy. He eats them sitting in front of his desk, his long legs folded against his torso, with a blanket around his shoulders. He sighs between each bite and his eyes scan his handwriting. He almost doesn't remember he took those notes, one day, in a lecture hall. Was his body dissociating with his mind on that day? If it was an early class, probably.

 

Despite all his grumblings and many reconsiderations of his life, he tries to stay focused and finally studies like he should have all those previous months. To make himself feel better, he thinks “better late than never”, and ignores that “better ahead of time than late” exists too.

 

At almost one in the morning, his notes look less incomprehensible, and he's slightly more confident about the possible outcome of the exam. For sure, he won't write any life-changing reflexions, but he thinks he'll at least pass – he needs to, he never failed before and he doesn't want to, even if his attitude doesn't really show that he's scared of failing.

 

His exam is at nine in the morning, and he values sleep, so he calls it a day and crawls to his bed with a tired yawn. Since he needs to wake up at eight, he quickly estimates that he can have seven hours of sleep if he falls asleep the second his head touch his pillow.

 

The residence is quite, and there's hardly any sound from the other students' rooms, since they are studying, catching on sleep or partying away from the building if they are lucky enough to have handed their last paper. Hyungwon knows that he's one of the last students to still have exams, but he tries to be positive by thinking there's two more left and then he's free.

 

 _Six hours and fifty-three minutes of sleep_. This is his last thought before he falls asleep snuggled against his pillow.

 

＿ﾉ乙(､ﾝ､)_

 

Hyungwon sleeps two hours and seventeen minutes before he's abruptly woken up by banging on his doors. Loud and really fucking annoying banging against his door and _who the fuck is crazy enough to do that_ don't people value _sleep_ who _dares_ disturbing his beloved sleep these child of the devil they will _fucking_ see–

 

Hyungwon doesn't have the time to think that maybe it's an emergency or that he could have slept through the fire alarm – he's done it, once – before crawling out of bed with the intention of punching whoever is behind his door. He barely sees anything without his glasses not being properly woken up, and he also has the strength of a spaghetti (hint: it's not a lot), but he's ready to _fight_.

 

The bangings are still going strong until Hyungwon opens the door, and he barely avoids a punch because the person causing such a mess is also fucking dumb, and Hyungwon is pissed.

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Hyungwon growls with what he hopes is a menacing voice, but mostly is like the voice of someone who has smoked for a hundred years and swallowed gravel for lunch. “Are you even aware of what you're doing?”

 

The banging has stopped – Hyungwon is grateful, because it would have been on his face and a bruised face is not something he wants to deal with in this period of stress, _or ever_ – and he squints his eyes to identify who's disturbing him.

 

And then he gasps.

 

Because in front of him is no other one than Shin Hoseok.

 

(Okay, a lot of people on the campus knows who Shin Hoseok is, because he's gorgeous. Like, really gorgeous. Like, _I'd go to my 8am class if it means I can look at your gorgeous face in the lecture hall_ kind of gorgeous. Hyungwon may have had this kind of mindset this semester, because he's shared a class with Hoseok. Never really talked to him, though. Pinned like an idiot at his good looks, and died a few times because Hoseok has proved a lot of times that he's also boyfriend material because he's caring and smiling and clever and humble. A bit naive and cocky about his look, but Hyungwon forgives him because who can blame him for that.)

 

Shin Hoseok is basically a living dream, and he's currently in front of Hyungwon, and maybe Hyungwon is still sleeping and indeed in a dream. Because, why the fuck would Hoseok be banging at his door at past three in the morning on a finals week?

 

Hyungwon is speechless for a few seconds, and Hoseok says nothing either. What is this weird situation, honestly. Hyungwon's anger deflates and mostly becomes confusion at this point.

 

“Hyunwoooooo,” Hoseok suddenly begins to whine, and he takes a step to enter the studio, and Hyungwon may have stopped breathing because suddenly Shin Hoseok is fucking near him and– what? Hyunwoo?

“I-I'm not Hyunwo- _ouch_!”

 

Hoseok has stumbled on his own feet (God couldn't give every quality to a man, and thankfully made Hoseok clumsy, apparently, which is dangerous because isn't it fucking _adorable_?) and has fallen in Hyungwon's arms, who was nowhere ready to catch him. They both fall loudly on the floor, Hyungwon cushioning most of it, and it hurts because Hyungwon is a spaghetti next to Hoseok.

 

Nice, he's sleep-deprived, his butt hurts and he got Hoseok on top of him. Hyungwon hates his life, because if you read this sentence again with an other context in mind, it could have mean he's having a bit of fun, _y'a know_. And he isn't, because the reality is not nice.

 

“Hyunwooooo, I forgot my key,” Hoseok whimpers again, and Hyungwon doesn't know if he should be angry or melting. Hoseok really looks cute. But he also smells of alcohol, which (Hyungwon realizes) explains the weird situation quite well. Hoseok's clearly drunk and that's why he's banging at doors in the middle of the night and calls Hyungwon Hyunwoo, when he could be calling him sweetheart, for example.

 

… Ah, Hyungwon can't wait for finals to be over.

 

His brain is slow and that's only after an awkward hesitation that Hyungwon pushes Hoseok off him and makes him sit in front of him. Hoseok is clearly far gone and doesn't understand what's going on around him. He pouts at him but doesn't move nor say anything, like a child waiting for a reaction.

 

Hyungwon tries to find what to do. He's got an exam in less than six hours, he needs sleep, Shin Hoseok is drunk in his studio, and asking for a Hyunwoo while when Hyungwon last checked, his name is still Hyungwon. Hyunwoo is...

 

Hyungwon frowns, because the name seems familiar, and then he realizes that it's the name of the guy who lived in this studio until last semester. Hyungwon has met with him twice for talking about the formalities of the rent and everything, because Hyunwoo was graduating and Hyungwon has come across his notice of a soon-to-be vacant studio, that checked all Hyungwon's preferences (the main point being that it's closer to campus than his last one).

 

So, in a way, Hoseok is at the right place to find Hyunwoo. With a six months delay.

 

Not the brightest man alive, but Hyungwon blames it on the alcohol. Hoseok is still the guy he's pinned after for the whole semester, after all.

 

“I forgot my keyth and I'm drunk and I didn't know where elthe to go in my thtate,” Hoseok hiccups with still that goddam pout (and his fucking lisp, the cutest thing from Hoseok with his ears and smile) and Hyungwon thinks he'll die not because of finals but because of Shin Hoseok.

“First of all, I'm not Hyunwoo.”

 

Hoseok's eyes widen and then he squints, all in slow motion, which is fucking hilarious, but Hyungwon is too tired to laugh.

 

“Oh, right. When we fell it was pretty bony,” Hoseok comments.

 

Hyungwon isn't even offended at this point. He remembers Hyunwoo to be a beefy guy, the same type as Hoseok, the kind that goes to the gym often. Those two are friends, it's obvious.

 

“I'm thorry,” Hoseok says, and then he hiccups again, and a tears falls on his cheek, and then another, and Hyungwon looks at Shin Hoseok crying in his studio in the middle of the night and he really wonders what the fuck is happening tonight.

 

There's a second of astonishment, because he's worried, Hoseok can't possibly leave in that state and he's apparently alone and sad and really, what can Hyungwon do?

 

His reflex is to hug Hoseok, like he would do with a crying child, and the guy sniffles against his shoulder for a few minutes. When it looks like the tears are over, Hyungwon awkwardly coughs and opens his mouth to say something – honestly, he has no idea what – when a snore echoes through his studio.

 

Obviously, it's not his. And when he realizes it's Hoseok who's snoring against him, a little bubble of annoyance grows in Hyungwon's throat, but soon the exhaustion erases all his torture plots, and Hyungwon accepts his fate of this really weird night, and drags Hoseok to his bed with much difficulty, because the guy is heavy with his awesome muscles. He can't leave him on the floor, he's not crual.

 

Hyungwon can't believe Shin Hoseok is in his bed. (Once again, in an other context, it would have been kind of nice, to say this. But reality is more bitter.)

 

The bed is too small and Hyungwon too awkward to sleep next to Hoseok, so he takes his spare blanket and his second pillow and goes to his armchair. He's often slept on it, he can do it tonight too.

 

He looks at his clock and it reads three hours and forty-two minutes. He got four hours and eighteen minutes of sleep if he's quick to fall back into dreamland. Hyungwon groans, because fuck his exam. He'll need to deal with Hoseok, too, and he doesn't know how he will do it if he needs to be so early on campus. Nevermind, he'll think of it later.

 

Four hours and seventeen minutes of sleep it is, then.

 

(Hyungwon realizes that Hoseok's snores are loud. Like, really, really loud. So loud that Hyungwon can't fall asleep and moves to his little bathroom at some point, because the door lessens the horrible and annoying sounds. Hoseok suddenly looks less perfect, and more human. Hyungwon is pissed and close to plot murder, but he tries to forget for a moment that his crush is in his studio, that he's on his bathroom floor, that he got an exam way too soon, and tries to sleep.

 

Three hours and thirty-nine minutes of sleep.)

 

＿ﾉ乙(､ﾝ､)_

 

Hyungwon wakes up on time to get ready and go to his exam, against all odds. His alarm hasn't awaken Hoseok though, but with the hangover he must already be sporting, Hyungwon believes that it's normal. He grimaces, imagining how bad Hoseok will feel when he'll wake up. He seemed to have drunk quite a lot, but after all, it's none of Hyungwon's business.

 

He still writes a little note to him, that he puts on the table with a glass of water and some painkillers. Hoseok is old enough to not need a babysitter, and Hyungwon believes that he won't do any mess in his studio during his absence. He doesn't have another choice, anyway.

 

Hyungwon lowkey wants to still see Hoseok in his studio when he comes back, but it doesn't seem likely so. What Hyungwon wishes, he usually doesn't get, and Shin Hoseok is one of them – _booh booh_ , Kihyun would fake-cry and fake-pity him then ask him to just be bold and go take what he wants.

 

His main problem this morning though, is the exam he needs to take. He's early in the lecture hall, and when the subject is handed, he just does everything he can. The two hours go pretty quickly, and when he gives back his paper, he apologizes mentally to the one who will grade it, because it's pitiful, but at least it's something.

 

He's quite happy it's finally over for the day and there's only one exam left, so to celebrate his almost-freedom, he decides to go to the coffee shop to buy his favourite drink. Maybe go home and take a nap, too, because he hasn't sleep enough because of...

 

 _Oh._ Hoseok.

 

Hyungwon has forgotten about him, and now he's puzzled for a moment. He begins to be anxious, because what will happen when he's in his studio? Will Hoseok still be sleeping? Gone? Would he have left a note? Apologize? Wait for Hyungwon and tell him something? And what should he say? He's so awkward, even more in front of Hoseok. He can't really forget that he's a bit attracted to him, and oh god it's dumb, right, because everyone likes Hoseok, so it doesn't really affect him anymore, right?

 

Hyungwon feels the stress in the pit of his stomach during the whole way back, and he drinks his coffee to change his mind, but it's not really effective. When he's in front of his door, he takes a big breath, and purposely makes more sound with his keys in case Hoseok is still inside and was waiting for him – ah, Hyungwon wished. It would feel so nice and cosy, Hoseok waiting for him each evening, after a day at uni... So domestic...

 

But when he opens the door, a quick glance is enough to see that his studio is empty.

 

Hyungwon doesn't like the disappointment he feels, because he shouldn't have think Hoseok still would be here. Why did he stress so much over it. The night before was already insane enough, there's no more to it, he should stop make scenarios in his head and then realizes that reality is never like that.

 

He feels a bit annoyed with himself, and he directly goes to his bed to take the nap he's promised himself.

 

The bed is made, and the pillowcase has been changed, just like the blanket. Hyungwon smiles because even without being there, Hoseok is polite until the end, and he can't be mad at him (only at himself).

 

He's awaken fourty-five minutes later by knocks on his door. (Do you sense the déjà-vu?) Hyungwon isn't amused at all, because he's still mourning Hoseok leaving (god, he should stop exaggerating and make such a big deal of it), and because when he's sleeping he forgets he's a bit pathetic, and a good nap is at least two hours in his agenda, so he got all the good reasons to snap at the person disturbing him.

 

The knocks aren't as loud as last night, but he's less patient to deal with anything.

 

“What?” he sighs with a (big) hint of annoyance in his voice when he opens the door.

 

His eyes widens, and for a second he doesn't believe who's in front of him.

 

“Hm, huh, Hyungwon?” Hoseok says with uncertainty.

 

 _Oh my god_ , Hyungwon, Hoseok really is in front of your door, once again, he came back, you're not napping, it's not a dream, he's here, _for fuck's sake_ do something this time are you just gonna stare at him with a dumb face _fucking speak already–_

 

“Hoseok,” he says, “hi,” he adds, and then he closes his mouth, opens it again, but doesn't say anything, and flushes a big red because this is what he wanted (Hoseok in front of him again), but he's got no plan whatsoever, and he's awkward, and _oh god he's so awkward_.

 

Hoseok giggles, and it's so pretty and endearing. It's not the kind of laugh you make to mock someone, and Hyungwon dares to hear a hint of fondness in Hoseok's soft giggle.

 

“Hi,” Hoseok says in turn, with a kind smile. “I hope I'm not bothering you?”

“No, no, not at all. Huh. Did you forget something here?” Hyungwon asks, because maybe it's just for this reason that Hoseok's here again.

 

Hoseok seems surprised, but then shakes his head no and lifts his right hand where he's holding two drinks from Hyungwon's favourite coffee shop. _Can't Shin Hoseok stop being so perfect?_

 

“I, I left a note on your table to thank you, maybe you haven't seen it. I also wrote I'd come back during the afternoon to properly repay you after all the bother I was last night... I hope you like coffee?”

“Oh,” Hyungwon quickly glances behind him, and he indeed sees an other note on his table. He should have stop being so dramatic and checks, dammit. “I'm sorry, I didn't see it... but yes, yes, I enjoy coffee. I like it a lot. Drank one an hour ago, but totally in the mood for a second one. Yeah.”

 

Hoseok smiles at him, and Hyungwon feels his cheeks becoming even more red. God, he can't be more obvious, right?

 

“I'm sorry, I'm so awkward, right? Please come in,” Hyungwon fusses a bit and quickly checks if the kitchen is clean and that they can sit at the table and that he won't–

“Thank you for letting me in,” Hoseok says and it stops Hyungwon's agitation. His voice is soothing and calming, and Hyungwon thinks he should listen to Kihyun and try those relaxation exercises he's talked about because damn he's hopeless. Or maybe he can listen to Hoseok's voice for the rest of his life. It looks like a good alternative.

“It's nothing,” he squeaks.

 

Hoseok puts the coffees on the table, and pushes one in Hyungwon's direction.

 

“I don't know what you like, so I took a basic one. Maybe you'd like to add sugar a bit.”

 

Hyungwon takes a sip, then smiles at Hoseok:

 

“It's perfect already, thank you,” he says. _Okay, Hyungwon, you can do it._

 

Hoseok smiles in return, and then scratches the back of his head:

 

“Ah, for last night, I'm really ashamed of what I did. I was pretty wasted, and I know I become annoying... I couldn't go back to my room, so I automatically did the usual way to go to my friend's old studio eventhough Hyungwoo moved out a semester ago, which is coincidently where you live now. I'm really dumb, and yet you still took care of my pitiful ass. You're really kind, Hyungwon, thank you.”

 

Hyungwon looks in disbelief at Hoseok, whose cheeks are slightly pink. Is it embarrasment? It's cute.

 

A warm feeling blooms in Hyungwon, it's quite nice.

 

“Really, it's nothing. I couldn't let you outside in that state, it would have been dangerous for you. I'm glad you seem better already.”

 

Hoseok smiles. Hyungwon should have counted the number of smiles he did to him.

 

They don't speak for a few moments, enjoying their coffee, and it doesn't feel awkward nor forced. Hyungwon is surprised, but so, so glad. Maybe he's not hopeless, after all.

 

“Did your exam go well?” Hoseok asks. “You mentionned it on your post-it.”

“It went... okay. Did you finish your finals already?”

“Yeah, two days ago. And you? Was it the last one?”

“No, I still got one tomorrow afternoon. Didn't really study for it yet, but heh, what's new,” he chuckles.

“I'm not taking your time away from studying?”

“No!” he's quick to reply, and then flushes red at his answer. He seems so eager. “No, not at all. I needed a little break anyway, after this morning. I'll study later today. And tomorrow's morning too.”

“I see. Good luck then, but you're good, I think it'll be okay for you.”

“Ah, do you think so?” Hyungwon feels shy.

“From what I saw in the class we shared, yes.”

 

Hyungwon is so, so glad Hoseok remembers him a bit from their class. He doesn't think he's the type of student you remember, often looking bored and sleepy, but apparently, it was enough for Hoseok.

 

They talk for a bit more, about this and that, and it's pleasant. At some point, Hoseok excuses himself and says he doesn't want to take more of Hyungwon's time, that he should still study a bit, and takes his leave.

 

When he stands up though, he seems to have taken a decision, and asks Hyungwon:

 

“Are you... are you free, after your exam tomorrow? We can go eat something, to celebrate. O-or an other day, maybe you already got plans.”

 

The proposition is new, since they've never been close enough to do this, but it doesn't mean that Hyungwon doesn't like it. He may be awkward, but he also really wants it, and that's maybe where Kihyun should be proud of him to finally take those life-changing decisions.

 

(At least, he hopes it will change his life. With Hoseok by his side. Oh, he's already so whipped.)

 

“I'm free after it, we can meet on the campus, if you want.”

 

Hyungwon feels like he's floating like a balloon. It's weird, but nice at the same time.

 

“Good. _Good good_. That's nice. I, hm. I've always kinda wanted to talk to you, in class, but never got the guts to, and then the semester ended and... I'm still so sorry for how annoying I was last night, but... I'm glad we're talking thanks to that.”

 

This time, Hoseok is clearly flustered, and blushing, and it's the sweetest thing Hyungwon's ever seen. Hoseok is so, so fucking precious. It's a part of him he's never seen before, and it's endearing, and he can't quite believe he's witnessing this, and that this shy part of Hoseok's personnality is showing up because of him. It feels like a dream and it feels _damn good_.

 

“It's the same for me,” Hyungwon quietly replies, and Hoseok seems relieved and really glad of his answer.

 

They stupidly smile at each other on Hyungwon's doorstep. They exchanges numbers and a few last words, and then Hoseok leaves.

 

Hyungwon sits at his desk, his legs folded against his torso, and he smiles. Those last twenty-four hours were fucking weird, but the outcome is something that he wouldn't have dare imagine. And he's so, so glad.

 

His exam finishes at five in the afternoon the next day. He quickly calculates, and it means that he'll see Hoseok again in roughly twenty-eight hours and fourteen minutes.

 

He really can't wait.

 

**Author's Note:**

> lmao after writing it i just realized hyungwon is basically me you'll never change my way of writing ffs
> 
> i didn't quite proofread so don't hesitate to point out grammar errors! :)
> 
> THANK YOU FOR READING <3
> 
> (title's from Spotlight by our kings mx)
> 
> wink wink find me on twitter @jeolmeoniji


End file.
